guide_beregond | Of Capability And Inability

This question has been asked of me. What's more important - self preservation or forgiveness?

You might as well ask me if apples are more important than meat. Both have their place, and both are needed to stay healthy and strong. A constant diet of one or the other exclusively is not healthy.

Now, then, I’ll think on this one aspect at a time. I haven’t given formal thought to self-preservation before, being a soldier I tend to act on my training and gut instinct. To think only of myself would limit me from truly understanding and caring about others. But it is still necessary or else our time in this world would be very short indeed! If I would love and protect others, then I must love and protect myself as well.

As for forgiveness, this is not so easily dealt with. Perhaps I am the wrong man to speak of its importance, since it is something I am still learning. I find it very easy to forgive my son his mistakes. I can forgive a friend an honest error, we all make them from time to time. But there are forces at work larger than these small transgressions. I cannot forgive the higher forces that allowed my wife to slip away from Bergil and myself through something as meaningless as a fever illness that. No higher purpose was served by taking her at such a young age. If Eru holds me in ill favor for my attitude, then so be it. If I cannot hold Berenith in my arms, then I will hold contempt in my heart for a higher power that failed to hear my pleas in her last days. I confess I have my doubts about the existence of these higher powers in any case, truth be told.

I have yet to forgive Denethor for his weakness. The pride of this one man nearly crushed a city, and almost extinguished the life of my Prince. Perhaps I am not as strong as I should be, or might it be that some acts should not ever be forgiven? I could say the words of forgiveness aloud if it would comfort Faramir, but I would never feel them in my heart. Forgiving him would mean sacrificing part of who I am and would negate what I truly feel toward him.

Well, then, I seem to have finally answered the question in a roundabout way. My own self preservation carries more weight. Forgiveness is not always an option.

Beregond: Captain of the White Company, the Guard of Faramir Prince of Ithilien.
Fandom: The Lord Of The Rings
Ficlet: 404 words