Jan. 12th, 2004

guide_beregond: (Ow)
[Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] offered me a choice between a red pill and a blue one yesterday. When no one was looking, I took the red pill.

And now I see that there is more than one reality. I'm not sure I am strong enough yet to break away from the reality of [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] that my mun is so intent on me being a part of, but it occurs to me that she may not be thinking of parallel universes, such as the haven of my own personal journal. And since I am managing to speak here right now, I think my assumption was correct. Now then, how do I really feel about these various realities, and my place in them?

I think for the time being, I will let my mun continue to assume she is in control of me within the main community of Muses. This accomplishes a few things. For one, SHE feels constrained there, and will only make me speak of things that are well and truly my history, my canon-self, as she calls it. This is acceptable to me, and perhaps Agent Smith would find it a weakness on my part, but I have come to rely on her to remember events in my past that Tolkien forgot to write about me she recalls well.

She seems fond of recording these thoughts in my private journal, too, but only as a means of redundancy. I think this leaves plenty of overlooked space for me to express my own thoughts and opinions. It reminds me of a story I believe I stumbled over in the mun's mind once, about one who found all the abandoned corners of the web, sites that had fallen by the wayside, no longer attended to by their webmasters. This one took all those bits and pieces and formed a small haven from them, as a squatter might take over an abandoned house.

I feel dizzy now. I think I should stop. Learning how to speak without the mun and the keyboard will take some time. It's a little overwhelming.

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guide_beregond

May 2004

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